Church Bloopers
===================

These are ACTUAL announcements from ACTUAL church bulletins.

1.  Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

2.  Thursday night - Potluck supper.  Prayer and medication to follow.

3.  Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and 
community.

4.  For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
    nursery  downstairs.

5.  The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of
    David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

6.  This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends 
of
    the church.  Children will be baptized at both ends.

7.  Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social.  All ladies
    giving milk will please come early.

8.  Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet.  Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put
    me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.

9.  Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
    Club.  All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the
    Pastor in his study.

10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and
    lay an egg on the altar.

11. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water."  One of the
    ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join 
in

12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of
    the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet 
will
    come forward and do so.

13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
    can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
    Music will follow.

15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
    Hell?"  Come early and listen to our choir practice.

16. The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir
    will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."

17. 

18. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of
    hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

19. The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

20. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the
    Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him.  After the service 
we
    request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the 
Greens.
 
21. The `eighth graders' will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in
    the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m.  The congregation is invited 
to
    attend this tragedy.


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