101 Ways Barney Should Die 101 Ways Barney Should Die
1. Nitroglycerin suppository
2. My First (and Last) Dr. Kervorkian approved
   suicide/euthanasia kit
3. Paper cuts from hate mail
4. Wine press
5. Random act of terrorism
6. Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane,
   acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
7. Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
8. Exploding gas barbecue
9. Date with Lorena Bobbit / Tonya Harding
10. Rusty meat hook
11. Pulp digester / Saw mill
12. Sexually transmitted disease
13. Lethal ingestion of bean sprouts and tofu
14. Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).
15. Barney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la    vista...BARNEY!".
16. Exploding school bus
17. Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Barney loves to    spread love and happiness to all of the carnivores.
18. Children's Tylenol laced with cyanide
19. Sacrifice to a tribal god
20. Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper    shredder)
21. Trampling by thousands of tiny spongy feet
22. Asphyxiation on a twinkie
23. Bungee jumping with chord tied around neck
24. 1000 RPM merry-go-round
25. Building sand castles in a quicksand box
26. Dragged behind a school bus on a gravel road
27. Tail caught in elevator doors
28. Legalization of purple slavery
29. Home lobotomy kit
30. Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid
   (e.g. nitric, chromic, hydrofluoric, sulfuric, or hydrochloric)
31. Add crushed glass to his granola or high fibre cereal.
32. Thrown in a vat of bleach.
33. Close encounter with a white supramastoid.
34. Sucked into a turbo-prop engine
35. Submerged into a CANDU reactor
36. Swarmed by killer bees
37. Purple parasites
38. Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel
39. Chopped up into pet food (Purina Barney chow)
40. Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler.
41. Assilimation by the Borg.
42. Acupuncture with a nail gun
43. Force fed pure sugar and caffeine until he explodes.
43. Barney meets Mr. Chainsaw
44. Hit and run at a school crossing
45. Exploding in an industrial sized microwave oven.
46. Strapped to a shuttle launch pad..3, 2, 1, ignition!
47. Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle during    reentry.
48. Brain scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens
49. Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife.
50. Harpooned by a whaling ship
51. Dipped in liquid nitrogen, and "accidentally" pummelled    with   a baseball bat (guess they found the glass transition    temperature).
52. Served as Thanksgiving dinner
53. Eaten by the homeless (Barney pate anyone?)
54. OOPS! Barney shouldn't have soldered that propane
   tank while full.
55. Mistaken for a Pinyata
56. Run over by a zamboni
57. "I love you" song triggers avalanche.
58. "Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train.
59. Nuclear warhead explodes at ground BARNEY.
60. Scientific experiments on BARNEY sublimation temperature.
61. Crushed between plates in a fault line.
62. Blended into McBarney shakes, and pressed into    McBarney patties (would you like McFries with that?)
63. Inquiring minds want to know...What is the tensile    strength of Barney?
64. Used as a crash test dummy. Listen up boys and girls.    This is what can happen to you if you don't wear your seat    belt.
65. Barney becomes one with Oscar Meyer.
66. Barney used as shark bait.
67. Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study.
68. Used in a TV commercial promotion of Ginsu Knives.    Even after cutting this tin can, the ginsu knives rip through    purple flesh with ease.
69. Diplomatic mission with Klingons
70. Deep sea diving in a locked steamer trunk.
71. Nato air strike.
72. Live organ donor.
73. Egyptian mummification ritual.
74. Plummet into an active volcano.
75. Coated in honey and fed to the fire ants.
76. Conversion to sugar glazed junk food.
77. Quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer.
78. Pilgrimage to the Holy land.
79. Purple Jonestown reagent.
80. Visit to the taxidermist.
81. Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter.
82. Take him off Prozac.
83. Forced to watch "the Wall" video without his happy pills.
84. 100 hours of continuous "Black Sabbath".
85. Give him a lead role in a snuff film.
86. Tar and feathered by crazed parents.
87. Spontaneous combustion.
88. Bludgeoned to purple paste.
89. Compressed to a singularity.
90. Bent, folded and mutilated by Canada Post.
91. Send him to a Bill's game dressed as a Miami Dolphin.
92. The plague 93. Extruded through microcapilliaries.
94. Forced to spend a week with Bart Simpson.
95. Barney goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about t
   he sudden stop.
96. Salt water enema.
97. Pre-mortem autopsy reveals that Barney's head is full
   of worms.
98. Massage with a stun gun.
99. Heat pasteurization.
100. Barney stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie.

101. Abandoned in a sensory deprivation tank.