Dr. Sings-A-Lot
21st Century Dental
14 Anthony Drive
Champaign, IL 61820

Hey, Doc--

I don't know what you did to me, but I am dying here. About six weeks ago (8 July?), I was in your office for some fillings--you may recall that you could not get my bottom jaw to go numb at this time, so you only did my top right teeth. I then returned about 2 weeks later (14 July), when the oral surgeon shot four syringes full of dope into each of my jaw joints, and you filled two teeth on either side of my bottom jaw.

When I came back the second time I asked you how long I could expect my teeth to remain sensitive to hot and cold, as the previous fillings were still sensitive (only to cold). You said that after a year you occasionally still got a touch of pain in one of your fillings.

Here's the rub: Six weeks after the first ones, and four weeks after the bottom jaw was done, I cannot eat anything that doesn't hover around 98 (mouth room temperature) without excruciating pain (and I do not use the term "excruciating" lightly). Soup is totally out of the question. Drinks are okay because my tongue usually stays between the fluid and my teeth, but every time I have to chew my food, I curse your name. It hurts so badly to eat that I have to consider going on a raving alcohol binge every time I eat--so far I have staved off the temptation, but not by much, and as the pain has not lessened in intensity, that time may still come.

If it just hurt to eat, I could deal with that. However, the fact is that my entire jaw aches for usually about an hour after a meal, although brushing usually alleviates the pain a bit. My jaw joints cramp while chewing, whether as a side effect of your cavity cure or due to the special gingerness with which I have to chew, I cannot be certain.

Luckily, I have moved to North Dakota (a mere week and a half after my final drilling), so the temptation I feel at every meal to drive to Champaign with a sock full of quarters, a lead pipe, or a baseball bat, alas, cannot be fulfilled. Also, I have no mafiosi in my family, so that avenue is also not available. Fairly or foully I place the blame for my discomfort squarely on your shoulders, so if you can suggest what is causing this or how I can get it to stop, I think that is the least that you can do.

I suspect that the special anesthesia is partially to blame, as my top teeth do not hurt nearly as badly, and the entire lower jaw screams, so rest assured that your friend the oral surgeon has a special place in my curses (which are, incidentally, many and varied). Never as a child did fillings leave me in such pain for so long. You can be sure that, had I known the pain in store for me, I would have left the cavities, let them abscess, and just had the root canals done in a year. The extra money would be worth not being forced to endure this. Or maybe I would just have had the goddamned things pulled.

More-or-less sincerely,

Adam Phelps