The following is a sample chapter from Grace House: The Trial of Obscurity by Rob Eberwein.
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Copyright 1999, Robert Rand Eberwein
Chapter 12 The VEDs
"We are first and foremost victims," Dr. Blamer
explained to the support group. She looked around the small
circle and focused on a man in a finely tailored suit. "Mr.
Pretense, would you agree?"
"Oh yes," he answered pleasantly. "No doubt of
that. That's why we're here, to clear away anything that obscures
what's really happened to us."
"And that, of course, will be done quickly and
easily," said the woman next to him with a smirk. She kicked
at her chair's metal leg. "Can you cure me tonight, Dr.
Blamer?"
"We will make progress, Miss Sarcasm."
The Victims of Emotional Disorders, or VEDs, were met for
their once a week evening session in an antiseptic room of the
Mammon Mart Community Clinic. They sat on molded-plastic chairs,
some clutching copies of Dr. Blamer's book, a brightly colored
paperback with the title Your Pain, Their Shame.
Dr. Blamer focused her emotionless, blurry eyes on the next
person around the circle. "And who, Confusion, has
victimized you?"
Tall, lovely Miss Confusion smiled warmly. "Why, simply
everyone! Never once, Dr. Blamer, have I been treated fairly. Yet
I don't complain, for nothing in life becomes us like
serenity."
"And yet, Confusion," Dr. Blamer said, "you are
not the woman you might have been, had you been given the right
opportunities. In the weeks that we've been getting to know you,
we've learned that you have been fired again and again from
positions such as counselor, office manager, interior decorator,
realtor, and so forth. Finally, you became a church secretary, a
position far below your ambitions." The doctor turned to the
others. "How should confusion feel about that? Should she
feel serene? Mr. Selfishness?"
Owlish little Selfishness, with legs thrust out, seemed to be
admiring the toes of his shoes. "I didn't come here to solve
her problems," he said with a laugh. "Look, last
year I was supposed to take over the management of a nice estate
in town, Pride's place, and it all fell through. The City let me
down, the Heavenly Embassy interfered, and even Worry here didn't
come through for me. Well, at least Confusion here has a job,
which is more than I can say."
Pudgy, pouting Miss Worry added nothing to this, so Dr. Blamer
addressed her. "Worry, you still live in the house
Selfishness mentions, live there rent free I understand, while
Selfishness has a tiny room at the 'Y.'" The doctor paused, allowing
the accusation to go unspoken.
"I live under siege in my own room!" Worry said,
almost in tears. "They mock me, especially the children. And
that Mr. Humility won't allow a lock on my door, either. I have
no rest there, no peace. But where else am I to go?"
"That makes three of those in our small group who have
been victimized by Mr. Dignity and his foreign friends,"
said Dr. Blamer, "for Confusion has told us that she once
lived there and was thrown out. Well, I wouldn't be surprised if,
in the end, Mr. Dignity reaps what he sows. You can't drive
people into desperation and then expect no consequences, no
retaliation. But here is yet another group member who has seen
the inside of Grace House. Good evening, Bits. Have you brought
someone new?"
Bits was just entering with Reason behind him. "Guten
abend, all!" he sang out cheerily. "Sorry I'm late.
Yes, I've been trying to persuade my friend to sit in on a
session, and she finally came."
Reason looked around the circle with consternation.
Unexpectedly, here were three people she knew and did not like.
Worry and Selfishness were bad enough, but ever since she had
first met her, Reason had loathed Confusion. Her talk grated on
Reason like the screechings of alley cats. But at least cats
offended only the ears, while Confusion's twisted words and
thoughts were insults to the human mind. With her every utterance
a blasphemy against meaning itself, Confusion offended Heaven and
earth. Still, Reason did not leave, for it would have been rude,
and besides, Bits had given her a ride.
When the others had made room for them in the circle, scooting
more chairs into position, the doctor asked Bits to make
introductions.
"What can one say about an old friend?" He said
airily. "She's Reason. She's lovely, exciting, expecting,
and wonderful company. Married to someone else, of course."
"And victimized?" Blamer prompted.
"Sadly so, yes."
"What a surprise," put in Sarcasm.
"Tell us about yourself, Reason," said Dr. Blamer,
"and keep in mind that anything said here is strictly
confidential, and that other victims are sympathetically ready to
listen."
Reason cradled her rounded stomach and looked at the floor.
"I hadn't expected to see acquaintances here," she
said. "Worry and Selfishness, and Confusion."
"They are all victims like you," said the doctor.
"They're attending these weekly meetings to get
better."
"Well, of course I don't mean to imply that they
shouldn't be here," said Reason. She lifted her gaze a bit.
"I would want them all to get help." With an effort she
turned to Confusion. "I expect you're still mad about, you
know, getting thrown out."
"I never was," said Confusion brightly.
"Do you mean," said Reason, hesitantly, "that
you never were mad, or that you think you were never thrown
out?"
"Dear me," said Confusion, as she smoothed her long
brown hair, "just think how long it's been! What would you
think in my place? Hundreds of people have had the same thing
happen to them. No need to labor the point, I'm sure."
"Wh-what point?" Reason said.
"Let's move on," said Dr. Blamer, "Reason, you
were going to tell us what brought you here. What is it that's
troubling you?"
Reason looked at Bits and forced a small laugh. "Nothing
terribly deep. And actually, my own husband is a counselor, so I
could go to him, but I haven't had much chance to see him lately.
He's very busy. What's troubling me? Nothing really, that's just
it. I have nothing to complain about at all."
"Sounds like suppression," said Selfishness.
"Oh no, she simply has no troubles," said Sarcasm.
"Go on," Dr. Blamer said quietly to Reason.
Bits pressed her hand.
"It's only that I'm feeling depressed lately because I
was trying to make a move to a writing career," she said
with a laugh, "and it hasn't been working out. The way I see
it, I should take this attitude--"
Dr. Blamer held up a palm. "Pardon me, wait a moment.
It's a mistake to adopt a certain attitude or philosophy prior to
identifying the cause of your trouble."
"Oh, that," said Reason. "It's my own fault.
I--"
She was interrupted by laughter from around the circle.
Dr. Blamer smiled a clinical smile. "One of the first
things we learn here is to avoid the phrase 'It's my fault.' It's
a cop out and has become a bit of an insider's joke with us. Now
Reason, we want to draw out something deeper. We want you, if you
can, to plainly name who it is that is thwarting your growth as a
person. Who's the enemy? Who is warping you?"
Some of the group members leaned forward. All looked
sympathetic.
"I--I don't know," Reason said. "Things just
haven't worked out."
Two or three in the group laughed again.
"Cop out number two," said Selfishness. "Come
on Reas', get it off your chest."
Reason looked around wide eyed. She began to cry a little.
"I just feel so let down."
"Who has let you down?" the doctor asked.
"Well, we've had troubles with Obscurity."
"We have a name, then. Obscurity failed you?"
"No, no," Reason waved that away. "I never
expected anything from her but just hoped she'd leave us alone.
That's just the problem. She'd be gone by now if certain people I
care about had done as I expected."
"Give us the names," said Worry.
"I don't want to criticize him," Reason said,
"but I've talked to my husband Truth a bit lately. Not much,
because it seems our schedules are always conflicting. But
anyway, he's told me that he won't try to get the Embassy to help
with my book."
Since the group had not heard of The Pride Story, Bits
briefly explained the background of the book. "Another
classic gets buried," he added. "Another author doomed
to work at the Mammon Mart."
"And the someone at the Embassy that your husband might
have influenced," Dr. Blamer persisted, "who is that?
The Ambassador?"
"Yes, of course, he might have helped," Reason said
emphatically. "He can do anything, but...he didn't."
"He let you down."
"Yes, he did. But don't get the wrong idea."
Reason's dark eyes widened. AI
don't mean that there isn't some rationale. There must be. Our
King, if you'll pardon my mentioning Him, sees the big picture.
It's impossible to imagine why He's holding back, but--"
"This King," said Blamer, "is the ultimate
cause of your troubles? Is he the one denying you a career?"
Reason compressed her lips and nodded.
"Then say it. Say it right out, Reason. You need to get
it out. What is His name?"
Reason stared for a few seconds and then crumpled, sobbing,
against Bits' shoulder. "That's right, get it out," Dr.
Blamer said. "You take your time and cry. We have plenty of
tissues here. In the meantime, we had better move on to role
play. Today, let's do 'Let Them Have It.'"
The group's regulars expressed approval of this exercise. It
involved two people, in this case Bits and Sarcasm. Bits would
play himself, while Sarcasm played the part of Bits' father Mr.
Brooding. Miss Sarcasm put on a stiff manner and a stern face.
"Hullo, Dad," Bits said.
"Hello, son," said Sarcasm.
"Well, you've always wanted me to have everything, Dad,
and now I want you to have something."
Sarcasm emitted a masculine, "Hmm?"
"You see, Dad, you always held me back. You did! You
never had any real confidence in me. Anyone could see that."
"Of course, I had confidence in you, Bits," said
Sarcasm. "Lots of confidence."
"A fake!" said Bits. "If you had really loved
me and supported me, I wouldn't have had my nerve problems."
"I didn't love you? I didn't support you?" Sarcasm
said archly. She rolled an eye. "I suppose you'll say I paid
more attention to my job and to TV."
"That's right! Always your job, always TV or mom or
something. Dad, you ruined me. You pampered me and ignored me and
then threw me into a tough, ugly world and left me to sink or
swim!"
"You can't mean it. I? Next you'll be saying I never
wanted you and that I'm sorry you were ever born. What's happened
to you, Bitsy? Why don't you just take some medication?"
Bits was almost on his feet now, shouting. "You're my
enemy, and you're driving me to suicide!"
"But son, I..."
"Well, drop dead, Dad! That's right, I said drop
dead!"
After a pause, Bits more or less fell back into his chair.
Sarcasm relaxed into her own person.
"Well done," said Pretense.
"Good, good," said the others.
Beside Reason, Bits looked glassy eyed and shaky.
In mild shock Reason looked around the circle. "And
that's supposed to make him feel better?"
"Nothing in nature happens all at once," Dr. Blamer
answered. "Flowers bloom slowly, trees grow slowly. With
much counseling and visits to this support group, Bits will
thrive. We're also trying to help him with a special diet."
She looked at the clock. "There's time for another. Who will
be next? Reason, why don't you try it? And--um--Confusion, will
you be the Heavenites' King? Thank you. There, turn your chairs
to face each other, that's right. Reason, just speak what's on
your mind. You can 'let him have it.' There's no danger. Just say
it right out."
Reason looked at Confusion, whose face had become beamingly
idiotic.
"Go ahead," the doctor prompted.
Reason paused for a long time and finally mumbled, "Uh,
I'm not all that happy with You."
"Oh, my dear child," said Confusion, "how can
you say that? I love you."
"No--no," Reason stammered, "not me. You're not, You're
not there when I need You. What about my book? That was all for
you, and we worked on it for months and months. Why aren't You
getting it published for me?"
Confusion smirked and smoothed her dress. "Now, don't you
remember that I'm omniscient? How can you argue with me, dearest?
I know what's best."
"Really? Then tell me," Reason demanded. "Tell
me what's wrong with The Pride Story. Why are You holding
it back?"
Confusion momentarily slipped in her role by looking to Dr.
Blamer.
"You're God," the doctor prompted. "You have
your own agenda."
"I just have other priorities," Confusion said to
Reason. "Nothing personal, and I'll get to you as soon as I
can."
"Oh, that's ridiculous," Reason snarled.
"You're no good at this or anything else. You're a phony, a
pathetic phony and you always have been. That's why I've always
hated you and why I tried to get rid of you."
"But you must love Me, dear," said Confusion.
"You have to show respect for Me, regardless."
"No, you're a driveling idiot, and I wish you were
dead!" Reason shouted.
Both paused and Dr. Blamer led in light applause.
"Excellent for a first time, Reason," she said.
"It's as I said before. First you identify what is troubling
you, and then you adopt the proper attitude. When you see that
your King is your natural enemy, then you wish Him dead."
Reason had settled back with a stunned expression. "No, I
don't wish that," she said weakly. "He's the King of
Glory. How could I wish that about Him?"
"She's suppressing again already," Selfishness said.
"And you just did wish it," said Bits at her side.
"I did?" Reason looked puzzled. "Oh, you
mean...no, I'm afraid I broke character, I lost my head,
I--"
"You told Jesus exactly what you think of Him," Bits
said.
"No," she whispered. "I told Confusion exactly
what I think of her."
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