Weblog Author Personality Quiz

Want to know what kind of weblog author you are? Take this easy quiz to find out what weblog archetype personalities you most closely resemble! Simply choose the answer below that you think best describes how you would most likely respond to each of the events listed.

1. You go to a pub to play pool and have a few pints with friends, you:
Are boisterous and loud and sometimes rude to the waitstaff.
Talk alot about politics during your pool games.
Enjoy a beer now and again. Ireland is nice. Foosball!
Calculate and compare the amount of alcohol per drink by volume and consume the beverages that will most efficiently intoxicate you.
Manage to talk to about 80-percent of the people in the bar.
Write a sonnet on a napkin and make a big deal out of giving it away.
Won't play pool on any table that isn't absolutely regulation.
Wear dark sunglasses, try to avoid the paparatzi, and take your best bodyguards.
Mentally critique the quality of the bar compared to others.
Try to remember every event of the night with perfect clarity.
Pay careful attention to the establishment, thinking it would make a good setting for a drug deal in the novel you're working on.
Win a few, loose a few, enjoy yourself and the company of friends.
Wear a pair of tight pants. Maybe someone will look at your ass.
What are friends? You have no friends.
Could use a break from your work at the linear accelerator.
Only go out on special occasions.
2. You are packing up your house to move. You:
Pack late into the night and leave your curtains open.
Are pissed off that your employer didn't pay for a full-service moving company. Why should you have to pack things up yourself?
Give all your friends your new address, weeks in advance.
Write a program to organize your truckload in reverse unpacking order.
Tell your friend you'll help him pack, if he helps you pack.
Pack an overnight bag and have your 50 servants do the rest.
Make a sweet deal with your friends at the moving company.
Keep a detailed inventory list of everything that goes into each box.
Are moving to the country to write the Great American Novel.
Grumble about having to move, slack until the last minute, and then throw everything into boxes willy-nilly and hope nothing breaks in transit.
Take a break every hour to write poetry or code on an ncurses game.
Only pack at night, naked, with all your curtains open.
Are going to spend 6 months at the Antarctic Research Center!
Think cardboard is neat. Unless it's made in Malaysia. Elmer Fudd is cool.
Aren't really moving. You'll be living with your parents forever.
Only buy boxes of identical dimensions so that they will stack perfectly in the moving truck.
3. A funny smell is coming from your basement. You:
Pat yourself on the back for a fart well done.
Start The Society For The Elimination Of Funny Basement Smells.
Call a plumber.
Tell everyone at work your basement smells funny.
Get online and download all possible solutions for eliminating funny basement smells.
Call up all your friends and ask if they've ever had a funny smell in their basement.
Wonder if you have a stalker and he/she just farted down there.
Start thinking of all the phrases that rhyme with "funny smell".
It's not a "funny smell", it's a odor reminiscant of sulphur with a hint of raw sewage, you moron!
Work yourself into a tizzy about how THAT GOD DAMN SMELL IS BACK!
Refer to your most recent research paper: "funny smells that come from basements" to deduce the source of the smell.
Hope the tabloids don't find out!
Accept it. It's not like you deserve to live in a house that smells nice.
Know exactly what the problem is and how to fix it.
Wrote a note on your calendar when you first smelled it and have been monitoring it for the last week.
Wonder if you can get a book deal out of the experience.
4. Your computer makes a strange noise and you open it to examine it and find that it's all been replaced with woodchips. You:
Talk about the dangers of motherboards turning into woodchips in your next State of Union address.
Hope you're on Candid Camera and start hurling chips at the cat.
Wood chips are made of wood. You aren't allowed to burn things.
Remember you installed the motherboard into the fireplace last Christmas.
Are reminded of your friend Jim, the carpenter.
Cry. Bad things always happen to you.
Assume that everyone on your block would want to hear about it.
Quickly compose "Ode To A Woodchip"
FREAK OUT. Someone stole your MOTHERBOARD and replaced it with WOOD CHIPS! HOLY SHIT! What kind of sick son-of-a-bitch would DO that?!?!
Actually, those would technically be splinters, not woodchips.
Know from professional experience that pine chips aren't native to this part of the state,
Put them in a bag and take them to display next time you're on Late Night with David Letterman.
Know exactly when you did it and why because you wrote it in your system logbook.
Would have noticed long ago, your computers are always turned on.
Wonder if you're on Candid Camera.
Create a fictional character that is afraid of woodchips.
5. Your house is on fire and you run out of the house in your underwear. When you get to the sidewalk you:
Secretly hope that cute neighbor sees you.
Notice that your cute neighbor sees you, and start dancing for him/her.
Smack yourself on the forehead, run back in and start saving your research notes about the dangers of housefires.
Start ranting about the lack of fire sprinklers in residential buildings.
Calm down, talk to a flower, and whistle country music.
Smack yourself on the forehead, run back in and start saving your computers.
Call your mother to tell her.
Wonder if there is a chatroom for victims of housefires.
Blame yourself for the fire.
Sigh, hug your pets, and yell for a neighbor to call the fire department.
Decide to write a haiku about the experience.
Call your agent and arrange for a photo op.
Call the local media.
Take issue with the type of firehose the firemen are using.
Decide to write a non-fiction book about victims of housefires.
Notice how the flames are delicately licking around the edges of the roof, and think of appropriate metaphors to describe it.
6. You just sold your first romance novel, you:
Actually didn't, because romance novels suck and you wouldn't.
Wrote alot of the scenes based on your private love life.
Posed nude for the cover art.
Kept detailed logs of your daily writing progress.
Expect people to love your skillful writing.
Wrote it under a pseudonym because of your fame as a horror author.
Don't like Microsoft and hate Italy like it was made of French people.
Wish you had written a real novel, but based the book on yourself.
Put a gold star on your calendar to remind you of the date.
Created a program to autowrite novels based on popular phrases.
Dedicated the book to all your friends.
Don't know anything about sex, you didn't write it.
Used only syntactically perfect 17th Century English dialogues.
Finally made it!
Took way too much time away from training naval aviators to write it.
Don't usually write novels, but instead, critique them.
7. You just remembered that in your autobiography, you forgot about a few weeks you spent in Laos in 1968, you'd:
Demand a correction by the exact terms stipulated in your contract.
Make a spectacle of it and demand a correction.
Expect that the world would want to know your complete story.
Call your publisher at the first of the month.
Hack into your publishers computer and make the correction yourself.
Be happy to be a known author.
Write about the few weeks and talk mainly about who you met there.
Never write an autobiography, but if you did, the omission wouldn't really bother you.
Be too ashamed to tell anyone.
Write rough drafts of the corrections, but be afraid to submit them.
Not be able to take time from your cancer research to correct it.
Write an exact, detailed account of those few weeks and correct it.
Contact your mother, the Queen, and ask her what to do.
Include a mention of the omission in your weekly column.
Run home to your mother, eat pancakes, then fingerpaint.
Embellish a near-fictional account of those weeks and correct it.
8. When you tell someone your opinion, you:
Enjoy the thought that they want to know what you think.
Emphasize each point by punching a wall.
Expect that, as usual, they won't pay any attention to your expert opinion.
Tell them about everything even remotely related to your opinion.
Tend to do so only on special occasions.
Try to put it in red 16 point font inside HTML bold tags.
Tell them about other people's opinions too.
Don't tell them anything of the sort for fear of rejection.
Want to be insightful about it, but don't think they'll listen.
Make sure your conclusion is carefully thought out in every detail.
Back it up with your empirical research.
Expect to see the clip on Access Hollywood.
Expect people to listen to you, you're a professional.
Hope someone continues taking meeting minutes for you while you talk.
Try to use examples from your writings to illustrate your point.
Tell them if they ask, and let them decide on their own.
9. You've just given the State of the Union address to congress, you:
Expect applause for your successes as President this year.
Are glad people find you interesting enough to be President.
Don't like onions, but like steak with some mushrooms.
Would draw some caricatures of audience members later that night.
Know that you'll always remember this day.
Scan the room through your x-ray mediated-reality glasses looking for guns.
Would make sure to give some credit to the Vice-President.
Would never be a good enough person to be President of anything.
Would have written the speech yourself if you weren't so worthless.
Would be exquisitely dressed and have perfect etiquette and posture.
Would be unbelivably pscyched about being President of the USA!
Would wonder if there was still time to continue your experiments after the speech..
Would be totally at peace with all the attention...ahh, the public.
Would salute the generals and make a big exit!
Would be already be critiquing your speech in your mind.
Would write about that day extensively in your memoirs that night.
10. You have just published your 10th book on string theory, you'd:
Would retire and have alot of fun for the rest of your life.
Would try to write a fictional story about someone like yourself.
Enjoy the thought that people know alot about you.
You like strings and can tie shoestrings, which is a neat word.
Attempt to use your knowledge to create a wormhole to Mars.
Make it a personal holiday when you write a bestseller.
Would be unbelievably happy people liked you.
Would still take time to write that comic book you hope everyone likes.
Look for a colleague to co-author another book with.
Enjoying getting the attention you deserve.
Would have produced 10 books with flawless grammar and spelling.
Would start your research for your 11th.
Would hope your constituents appreciated what an intelligent Senator your are.
Make a big deal out of it and have a huge booksigning.
Would always give your book an honest review.
Would write an autobiography.
11. If you could correct one thing about most people, it'd be:
Their disinterest in you.
How they never seem to read any more.
To turn their noses all bright red and make them come to you to fix it.
Their apparent inability to recognize your greatness.
Their...uh..dood, a spider! Kill it! You like puppies.
To make them all your friends.
Their forgetfulness about special occasions.
To make them better with cybernetic augmentations.
To make them all your friends.
To make them all love you and want to read your stories.
To make them all love you.
Make them all speak English properly.
Make them all brilliant.
That they'd read some of your bestselling books.
That they spend more in one of your many Las Vegas casinos.
Keep more accurate records of their lives.
Nothing...who are you to change other people?
12. If someone told you they thought you were a nice person, you'd:
Not give their restaurant any preferential treatment in your review.
Make a big scene out of telling them how honored you were.
Be glad you still had time to socialize away from your medical practice.
Think nothing of it. You expect people to compliment you.
Give 'em a big kiss. Then have a sandwich. Then sleep.
Remember to send them a card on their birthday.
Thank them and give them a backstage pass to your concert.
Remember their name was so you could tell others about them.
Be so happy you could cry.
Probably be surprised, but it would make you happy.
Pretend to be modest, but be glad they noticed you.
Watch to see if their pupils dialated, thus indicating a lie.
Be glad that someone had been paying attention to you.
Write down the day and time they said it for your records.
Ponder how to use the dialogue in a play script.
Offer to give them free pirated commercial software ISOs.
13. If you fixed up a 25-year-old pickup truck to drive around, it's name would be:
"I deserve this."
Driving a pickup truck is beneath royalty such as yourself.
"Look At Me Now!"
"Red Blue Orange Spacecat"
"Silver Anniversary"
You wouldn't fix up such a truck and certainly wouldn't give it a name.
"Daddy's Love"
"Tiamat The Dragon"
"My Best Friend"
"Hardcover Badass"
Something clever, you're sure. Oh, and it's "its", not "it's".
"The Doctor's Ride"
Recorded for posterity.
Changed when you wrote about it in your novel.
14. If you won a million dollars in the lottery, you'd:
Be happy that everyone would see your success.
Always remain close to your good friends.
Be happy fate finally realized your true worth.
...you'd uh, you'd...you'd...what was the question again?
Remember that date forever!
Recommend the lottery in your weekly business analysis column.
Build a NORAD-like computer center for your private use.
Hope that it would make people like you more.
Write stories about your success in life!
Really only have about $600,000 after taxes (unless it's Powerball.).
Run down the street naked shouting about it for an hour.
Use your powerful business acumen to double your money.
Hardly notice such a small increase in your bank balance.
Document the entire experience from start to finish.
Pay off all your college loans, then buy cool stuff.
Pay to have some of your work published!
15. You're in the process of upgrading your motherboard and notice that someone has stuck a keystroke recorder on your PS/2 port.
What a marvelous plot device! You'd use that in a short story.
This is obviously the FBI, they watch you because you know too much.
You'd write a sour editorial column about it.
Huh?! Hey, let's play computer solitare!
You'd take it off and check all your other computers. Figgure out who did it and kick their ass!
You'd wonder how much they know about significant events in your life.
You'd get an X10 video camera with a motion detector and see who it was.
You'd think about calling my friend the computer expert to help.
Who cares. Let them spy.
Someone wants to spy on YOU?! Wow! You're honored!
You'd take lots of pictures of the setup, but then leave it alone.
You don't think that would ever happen, but if it did, You'd be upset.
You'd lie in wait for them to return, then use your Delta-force moves to take them out.
You'd tell all your friends about it being there, but never take it off.
You'd have would call the police chief and your friend the governor.
You'd call the cops and make a list of people who'd been there lately.
16. It's your birthday and you open your presents. One of the presents is a gag gift: a photo of you going to the bathroom drunk.
Excellent! What a terrific gift!
Was there just the one picture? They should have taken more!
Ha! You love beer. You can't imagine life without feet either.
You'd definately have to write about that one in the diary!
As you recall, that was at your post-Nobel Prize party.
You'd scan and PhotoShop it to make it a painting, then hang it proudly.
You bet your friend did this at his party. You were so wasted!
Cool! You posed for that intentionally for a keepsake!
You'd show everyone!
Actually, you weren't _going_ to the bathroom, you were in it.
Your image is the property of the studio, he'd better have the negatives.
You've taken tens of thousands of photos...and THAT'S a good one!
You'd suspect the gift was meant to taunt your perpetual sadness.
Ah. That was about 1am, just after the Sushi, but before the movie.
Ha! That's great material for your comic strip!
I'll kill the bastard!
17. You are washing your dog when you spot a little boy eating a watermelon.
Washday is a special occasion. You'd invite the boy over to help.
Your dog is an Aibo, you wash it with WD-40.
You wonder if he notices you.
You stand up and yell to him, "Hey kid, you wanna play with my dog?!"
You're sure he wants to pet your dog, so you'd wait for him to come over.
Man, watermelons are good! Do fish dream?
You'd ask the kid over. Your nephew loves dogs, maybe he does too.
You hope the kid likes you and your dog.
What a quaint exercise in human interaction. You'd ask the kid over.
So? You don't see how the two events are even remotely related.
In your dog diary, you recorded washing your dog over 4000 times!
You would add it to your collection of dog washing tales, or Dog Tales.
A dog? A watermelon? WTF?
As a farmer, you'd pay careful attention to the quality of the melon.
You're never out of your tuxedo long enough for this to happen.
On a scale of 1 to 10, this reviewer gives the melon question a 7!
18. You are talking to a cooworker about something and they point over your shoulder to get you to look and then run away when you are distracted.
You expect that. Nobody wants to talk to you.
You were just writing a story about a friend that happened to once.
You'd never fall for such a prank, so that's an impossible situation.
You'd give that dodging maneuver two thumbs up!
You would record this day as a black one for your work friendships.
In your latest story, a little boy does that to a police officer.
Fucker. You'll get him when he least expects it!
You hope they got a good look at my ass when you turned.
You'd just make a weird noise to stop them in their tracks.
In your years of management experience, you've had it happen before.
When you get back from orbit, you'd ask them why they did that.
You'd wonder how many days until our next holiday break.
Eh, it happens. No one understands the benefit of your company.
What were they pointing at? It's impolite to point!?
Eh. That's okay. Now you can get back to the interoffice Quake game.
You'd wonder if they were pointing at your friend John? He sits over there.
19. You are walking down the street and suddenly expose yourself to an older person:
Well, that's a little much for you...but you'd hope they liked what they saw.
Whoah! Check it out, you also made a pizza with Play-Doh!
In your expert opinion, you probably need psychological help.
That's what the script said to do! CUT! MAKEUP!
Haven't seen that sortof hustle from a Senior PGA official in years!
HAHAHA! You got another one!
The fact is that they probably wanted you to anyway.
It's all documented as part of your journey towards self discovery.
You only do that sort of thing on special occasions!
No way, you haven't left this Playstation 2 in days!
Your friends do that all the time.
I'd never do something like that.
Man, you hope you looked good enough for them. Did they enjoy it?
That was performance art... But did you see the look on their face?! Ha!
Actually, you only exposed my genitals, not your _entire_ self.
You decide to write a short story about not remembering doing that!
20. You just found out someone read your private diary without your consent.
Did you see that movie like that? You love popcorn.
Eh, all you use your diary for is to remember special occasions.
Ha! They can't read it, you encrypted it with million-bit blowfish.
Did they like it?! You hope they did!
You don't care, you were going to release those drawings later!
Technically, it's not a "diary", but a "journal".
Well you hope so, you spat in their food and threw it at them.
You don't care, that's why you left it in the produce section.
Rightly so. Everyone is interested in you.
It's okay, so long as you got it back. It has all your research notes.
You doubt it! Your diary is guarded by the Secret Service.
Who cares, you have to testify before Congress at noon.
You know, someone did that to a friend of yours last week.
Your stories of when you were in the war? Those bastards!
You don't keep a diary, your private thoughts are your own.
Ah, that's okay. That's just your writing workbook.