Perhaps you are wondering about my interest in FSD. My interest is genuine: I have Hypoactive Desire Disorder, Female Sexual Arousal Disorder, and Orgasmic Disorder (I am preorgasmic).
I never expected to have a problem. It has been with me from a very young age, quietly waiting to come to light.
It took a while for me to really realize it was a problem, and even longer to discover others had it, too, and I was not alone.
I first discovered my problem the first time I had sex. I had certain expectations. They were very realistic. I expected to experience some pain and bleeding, followed by pleasant, perhaps even ecstatic, feelings. But this did not happen.
Instead, I felt almost nothing. I wasn't even sure if it had really happened. Wasn't I supposed to feel...something?
I felt no pain at all, and no pleasure at all. I thought at first that this was just a new experience, and that I should give it time.
Months went by, and instead of improvement, I got worse! I developed severe pain during sex. I finally found out it was a bladder infection, but I had some serious damage from all that painful sex. I started having a much more difficult time getting physically aroused. I already had a sensation problem, which is considered an arousal disorder, but this was something new.
I found I could no longer force my body to have sex when I wasn't feeling like it.
Over time, I came to realize that all those things other people said about fantasies were true! Just because I didn't have sexual fantasies didn't mean most other people didn't.
I traced my issues back in time. I had sexual fantasies as a child, from the age of about three, but they stopped when I was nine or ten. This part of me just went away, and I didn't understand why.
I did start taking Prozac at around that age, so I do not know for sure if that is the cause of the lack of desire and lack of fantasies, or if it is something else. Since I stopped taking Prozac a long time ago (September 1998), it is likely that any side-effects would have ceased by now, although I have read that the serotonin receptors Prozac switches off do not always switch themselves back on. Fortunately, there is a drug in the pipeline for SSRI users with sexual side-effects.
As time went on, and I researched these issues, I have determined that I have secondary hypoactive desire disorder (at one time, I had fantasies, and a normal childhood sexuality). My arousal disorder is probably primary, because I never knew of a time when I had a sexual response, and my orgasmic disorder is definately primary; I've never had an orgasm in my life.
43% of women have sexual problems at some time in their lives, and I'm just one of the unlucky ones to have it so young (I was born September 11, 1979).
As of this writing, I still have no solved these problems. My poor husband is developing a sexual aversion disorder, because of all the time sex has caused me pain (physical and emotional). When we try to have sex despite my lack of arousal, it causes me physical pain. But even when my body produces the right arousal response, I still have almost no sensation, and this often makes me emotionally upset. I only complain about physical pain to my husband. He doesn't know about the emotional pain until I'm crying. I don't want to deprive him of sex ALL the time.
I finally got my testosterone results back. My total is 35 nanograms per deciliter, and my free is .9 nanograms per deciliter. These numbers are barely normal. The blood was drawn at 9:30 a.m. on the 11th or 12th day of my cycle.
Now, I am waiting to find out if the doctor who tested these hormones is going to prescribe me some testosterone. If not, I plan to go see Drs. Steidle and Singh, a urologist and urogynecologist who specialize in FSD in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
I will update this page when there are changes to be made.
Don't even think about copying my artwork without permission from me!