101 WAYS TO KEEP YOURSELF SMILING , ONE OF THEM IS READING JOKES
READ THEM AND SMILE!!

Disclammer

Funny Signs

(Most of these were found in Great Britain)
Sign in a Laundromat
"AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT"
Sign in a London department store
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.
Outside a farm
HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF.
In an office
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON
THE DRAINING BOARD.
On a church door
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
English sign in a German cafe
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING.
Outside a secondhand shop
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING
OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
Outside a photographer's studio
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.
Seen at the side of a Sussex road
SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
Outside a disco
SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME.
Sign warning of quicksand
QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF
THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish
DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK
ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP
THEM IN ORDER.
Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE
DISPOSED OF.
Sign on motorway garage
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH
MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS.
Notice in health food shop window
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.
Spotted in a safari park
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.
Seen during a conference
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON
THE FIRST FLOOR.
Notice in a field
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.
Sign on a repair shop door
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL
DOESN'T WORK).
Sign at Norfolk farm gate
BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT.
Spotted in a toilet in a London office block
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
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FREE HOLD LAND FOR SALE

A teenage girl is very anxious to offer a small lovely "TRIANGULAR" plot of land for sale centrally situated on the slopes at the level area in " THIALAND" but unobserved by any one till this day. For the last 19 years plot was tenderly cared and looked after. This plot is "VIRGIN" and extremely fertile and can bear fruits even on the first planting. For the last 4 years the plot is covered with very fine grass which is very better and tender. No chemical are yet used for removing the grass which has covered the whole area deticably. There is also a small "BOREWELL" hidden in the shrubs and no test is so far carried, but to as certain to the portability of water.Offers are immediately invited from prospective buyers with full and energetic capital who can put immediately. The buyers should be strong enough to labor hard on the plot and plough in very hard with his "OWN TOOL". Although initially, it will be very hard and difficulty, but once the capital is put in he will not repute and will be delighted to have ventures in into site. It is guaranteed that there will be fully full co-operation from the owner if the buyer is ready to put straight his capital immediately.the owner if the buyer is ready to put straight his capital immediately. No partnership please. No subletting, neighbors are awaiting for the an opportunity to trespass the plot. So hurry up to be the first to enter into the site . AREA : 100 Sq.cm. DEPTH OF WELL : 300 m.m

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Population and statistics

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work. Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work. Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting there playing around on email /on WEB Surfing.

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Mr. Nawaz

> Hi Nawaz,
You can cheat your countrymen not the world.
1. Pakistan Tests Ghauri Missile. Congratulations Mr. Nawaz!!!You need a painter and not a scientist to test a missile. You painted the North Korean built Nodong missile very nicely.
2. Pakistan has enrichment plant. Congratulations Mr. Nawaz!!!You need smugglers like Abdul Quadeer Khan and not scientists. What a pity he was caught many times in clandestine operations.
3. Pakistan conducts 5 tests. Congratulations Mr. Nawaz!!! You have in fact tested only one Hiroshima type device. But you had the nerve to bluff to the world that you have tested 5!!. Just because the number is convenient. You have conducted a test similar to the one conducted by India way back in 1974. Thanks. You have demonstrated the backwardness of your technology.
4. Pakistan declares Emergency. Congratulations Mr. Nawaz!!! After the tests, India is discussing the issue in its Parliament, in full view of the world. RBI has not intervened in Forex market. We are watching the world reactions. On the other hand Pakistan declares Emergency within hour of the test. Stops exchange remittance abroad. Thanks for demonstrating your true self Mr. Nawaz.
Conclusion :
Last time it was cut into two, this time Pakistan will be wiped out from the world map if it does any misadventure. Carry on Mr.
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An Indian (fwd)
The man in focus ( a close up shot) is of middle class background.
Had a good academic bring up in a typical Indian ambition, joined a reputed Engineering college while his friends took the IF clause of the following logic, IF fin-aid-got during final year BE
begin
MS in US display " Foreign MS Degree"
end
ELSE
Join the campus offered big software
consulting company
visit all continents much to the concern
of those who took the
if logic
Display " Have made more money than you guys who did MS at Purdue"
end-if .

Our man took the else clause and happily went around the globe. Learnt English customs, French cuisine, Swiss niceties, Spanish Reggae and American Dreams. After three years plus ( now a days people start at 6 months itself), decides to leave the big consultancy services and takes on a H1B. He tells all his friends "just 2 max 3 years.. make 10 K or 20K $ and then come back and settle back home nicely.. surely Ill come back.. I wont be like others who settle their". He surely believes so when he says this and does not lie.. First 3 months : Has got SSN; managed a driving licence after quite a bit of difficulty and fear ; managed a second hand car; rented a decent apartment spending about 500 $ on phone bills calling up every friend and relative; next 3 months : finds to his shock that he has less money in bank than he had during the big consultancy trips ( when he knew that he used to get peanuts and hence lived within his means sharing 4 people 1 car and saved some money really) !!..Makes huge cuts in telephone bill ( first starts with his home calls and close friend calls - huge cut) and is happy to see the bill cut down to 250 $. Next 6 months: Has some friends by now....makes some trips to Niagara ( it s a ritual like the Kashi and Rameswaram trip in India) ,New York city and White House. Experienced a winter and fed with his car not starting. Decides to buy a new car... feel finaly... thinks of his marriage.. unlike his IF clause classmates who struggle with getting a job, this fellow is more settled and hence can think of marriage) Next 3 months : decides to call up his family about searching for a bride. company asks him about green card.. has 2 minds... some change jobs for 10 K increase.. others content with 5K increase given by his present company.Next 3 months: He fixes a trip after daily hunting for the cheapest ticket.. comes home with quite a few gifts to family back home.. fixes a girl !!! comes in 3 weeks trip as he knows he will be back after 6 months for marriage ( Telugu guys are an exception: they come in 3 weeks holiday, see 15 girls, negotiate on 50 Lac + 10 acres fertile land + 2 rice mills etc, fix up the best bargain and get married in 2 days and come back.. the other south Indians are not so rewarded in cash;; they will have to come back 6 months down the line) 6 months: gets married. now he is for sure his dream of coming back in 3 years is becoming pale ! ..he has to spend 3000 $ on travel next time to come back home; he has spent a lot in car repayment; 2 Indian trips and in gifts ;now he wont come back for 2 years: meanwhile he has to get this green car any way; ( so he consoles himself that circumstances forced him to stay rather than blaming his will power).. 2 years further : makes a trip.. buys more gifts for the wife side relatives than his own brothers and sisters !! calculates every dollar.. but finds out to his shock that salaries in India have grown greatly.. also the cost.. now his savings will buy only 1 flat in south Madras.. not at Mylapore.. he wont have any cash if he returned home;; decides that he will stay for another 3 years..concentrate on saving and come back for good.. 3 years ; has kid( his mother in law came during delivery ; he was worried all along that should they fall sick, he will be gone in medical care; he prays to God more than he prayed for his School final marks or JEE/CET seat). He is a family man; thinks that if his 2 year old daughter is in US after she is 7-8 years of age, she will be bad ...so makes a plan to come back after 5 years..when his daughter would have seen the Disney land and nicer things yet unspoiled by western culture.. 4 years: makes a trip to India with a 20 %hope of returning to India. His retired father with BP and diabetes and mother with heart problem are in the fore front of his thoughts.. But he goes to a few companies.. though he worked as a programmer in spite of being good knowledge and had managed 10 people team in India,in US he is a programmer and his ego still is hurt), he expects to be appointed as a general manager ; does nt. get one; or even if he gets,compares with 70K $ and finds it peanuts... decides to show his parents to a doctor; asks his neighbors to look after them ; enplanes to US ;5 years down the line his wife likes so much US,. she does not have the problem of pestering of her mother-in-law. Halts all plans of her husband's thoughts of returning home. Now a days, our man does not come to India. Wife comes during December season, shows off and then goes back to US ( she talks to her relatives about her own car;kids bharata natyam class in Denver suburbs; her relatives exclaim that they are still so Indian).... 10 years : our man is in his 50's. Now is suddenly remembered of the culture. Is reminiscing in dreams of the past about reciting Sahasranama at 6 PM in the Shiva temple, the prasad at the Narayana temple, his jolly stints at Chepauk and the coffee at the Naesey bar in front of the Consultancy services atLloyds Road 185 office and Annapoorna at 12 Road office. He wants all of them back. comes to India ( to find them all are not truly continuing; blames Indians for forgetting culture; blames the circumstances for his happenings than his will)...buys a big flat; decides to come back in 2 years;;2 years ; he comes back but not with his family; his children Sweta and son Nikhil( he had nice fancy names unlike his Ramanaryanan and his friend Sivasubramanian though they were deep rooted tradition of his ancestral names) are going to "SCHOOL'' ( at Michigan Univ. not in our terms an university; he calls it school) and are likely to get settled their with Steve and Susan respectively. He does not like it ; losing his gothram and Indian ness but cant help it.. he swallows it without saying anything; wife accepts it more realistically ; but still blames the circumstances ( had I got $ 70K
when I passed out Engineering, would I have come here and spent 30
years here.. He does not remember that rest of the
Indians earned only 1165 + city allowance + DA relief of 180 rupees fifty paise when he got 3500 in Campus and got 1000 hike every 6 months in his software industry). Now in his sixties at Adyar; he goes to
temple; his neighborhood flats kids are wearing American t shirts watching M-TV. Our man is feeling bad that they are growing too Western ; he passes his last days hoping his son and daughter will join him at death; ( doesnít remember that he sent only get well card and made few telephonic calls at AT &T , MCI cheap rate durationís than attend to them personally but still expects his son will come & nurse him when he is in paralytic stroke though the good treatment at Malar Hospital has restored his health; now he can walk to the corner shop and negotiate coriander leaves for 50 paise spoiling the poor daily wage earners' meager earnings )... our man rests in peace at a old age home !!

"Be Indian, Buy Indian, and Die as an Indian"
Regards,
An Indian
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Brain teasers

You've probably heard of MENSA (the group of geniuses with IQ's of 140 & above) Well, this test is similar, it's from DENSA. It's a lot more fun, pretty simple, but fun. Give it a try.
YOU MUST WRITE DOWN OR REMEMBER YOUR ANSWERS & DO NOT CHEAT.
1. Do we have a 4th of July in England? Yes/No
2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?
4. Is it legal for a man in Scotland to marry his widow's sister?
Yes/No
5. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?
6. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?
7. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half an hour. How many minutes would the pills last?
8. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left?
9. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?
10. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10'' tall. What does he weigh?
11. How many two pence stamps are there in a dozen?
12. A plane crashes on the Canadian - US border.
In which country would you bury the survivors?
DON'T READ ANY FURTHER UNTIL YOU'VE ANSWERED ALL THE ABOVE QUESTIONS!
The DENSA Test, Your Evaluation Give yourself one point for each correct answer. Good luck!
1. Is there a fourth of July in England? Yes, it comes after the third of July!
2. How many birthdays does the average man have? Just one!
3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28? 12, all of them!
4. Is it legal for a man in Scotland to marry his widow's sister? No - because he is dead!
5. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer? 70, (30 divided by 1/2 equals 60!)
6. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have? 2, you took them, remember?
7. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half
hour. How many minutes would the pills last? 60 minutes. Start with the 1st pill, 30 minutes later take the 2nd, then 30 minutes for the 3rd.
8. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left? (If 8 out of 17 die, all but 9 die, eh?)
9. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark? Zero...it wasn't Moses, it was Noah.
10. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10'' tall.What does he weigh? Meat, a butcher weighs meat!
11. How many 2 pence stamps are there in a dozen? There are 12 2 pence stamps in a dozen!
12. A plane crashes on the Canadian - US border. In which country do you bury the survivors? The survivors would probably rather wait until
they die to be buried!
Add Your Score... How did you do?
Correct Answers Rating
11 - 15 Genius
9 - 10 Above Normal
6 - 8 Normal
3 - 5 You're a bit slow
1 - 2 Seek help now
0 Brain dead
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EXCEL Flight simulator

Believe it or not - A Flight simulator in MS Excel 97 Ever wondered why Microsoft applications seem to become slower and fatter with each new release ? Apparently the constant rain in Redmond has driven Bill's engineers to obsessive flights of fancy. Below you'll find instructions on how to access a little flight simulator that was inexplicably hidden by precipitation-maddened programmers deep inside Excel 97.

(1) In Excel 97, open a new blank work sheet.
(2) Press F5 and type X97:L97 in the "Reference" box, then click OK.
(3) Now hit your tab key once (you should end up in cell M97).
(4) press "Ctrl" and "Shift" while clicking once on the "chart wizard" icon (the one at the top with the blue-yellow-red bar chart). Welcome aboard ! After a few moments you should be flying. Steer with the mouse, accel and decel with the left and right mouse buttons respectively, and look for the monoliths with the programmer credits.
You can exit the screen by pressing Ctrl+Shift+Esc. For those interested in combat, wait approximately 5 minutes...


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One Liners

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam".
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frosbite.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A pachydermatologist
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.
and what kind of lettuce? Iceberg.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal
thermometer?
The taste.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.
Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
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Top 30 Things You Wouldn't Know Without the Hollywood Movies

1. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there
is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
2. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while
scuba diving.
3. During all police investigations, it will be necessary
to visit a strip club at least once.
4. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach
up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist
level on the man lying beside her.
5. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect
hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you
in there and you can travel to any other part of the
building you want without difficulty.
6. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural
disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will
be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
7. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you
take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over.
It will always be the exact fare.
8. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a
kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use
that light instead.
9. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that
affects you personally at that precise moment.
10. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the
size of Wembley Stadium.
11. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
12. It is always possible to park directly outside the
building you are visiting, even in New York or London.
13. A detective can only solve a case once he / she has been
suspended from duty.
14. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a
fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait
patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a
threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessors.
15. Police Departments give their officers personality tests
to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who
is their total opposite.
16. An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will
cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
17. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate
any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
18. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when
beginning or ending phone conversations.
19. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer,
it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German
accent will do.
20. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is
necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left
to right every few moments.
21. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
22. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war -
unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture
of your sweetheart back home.
23. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious
beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his
wounds.
24. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover
in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade -- at any time of
the year.
25. Your arch enemy will always tell you exactly how he
plans to kill you when captured and leave you with some
sort of escape route
26. SWAT Teams and trained snipers will never hit their
targets first time.
27. Anyone with no computer education or training is
capable of cracking complex encryption algorithms,
...... inside 60 seconds.
28. Another user on a network is capable of wiping out the
contents of your DOS edit buffer, while you have the
document in front of you on a monitor and the monitor
will instantly respond to this.
29. Top Secret confidential information can be downloaded
from the Internet because Top Secret agencies have no
firewalls to stop hackers.
30. Whenever a computer malfunctions, smoke will pour and
sparks will always fly from the keyboard, monitor and
any LED in the same room.
 
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Tech Support

Why we should feel sorry for tech support people: <new ones!
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman
then
responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good
point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is
working fine."
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now
type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document
back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to
keep it.
Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start
something like this:
Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to
"The Internet."
Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager
icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows -- because of the icons --
I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't
believe it was meant to --"
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe
in
icons."
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of
a
file cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"
Customer: [click]
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash -- it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my
spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
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A Desi's story ....

An insect fell into a mug of beer
Englishman : Throws his mug away and walks out
American : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer
Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away
Indian : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.
Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his
beer: relates the issue to Kashmir. Asks the
Chinese for military aid and takes a loan from
the American to buy one more mug of beer and
asks the Englishman to second the American.
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Simple Math

Grab a pencil and paper and try this...........................
This is a strange little math game. Don't cheat by scrolling down to the bottom first. Work this problem out as you read it; don't read the
bottom until you've worked it out.
1. Pick the number of days per week that you would like to go
out and do something entertaining.
2. Multiply this number by 2.
3. Add 5.
4. Multiply it by 50.
5. If you have already had your birthday this year, add 1748.
If you haven't, add 1747.
6. Last step: subtract the four digit year that you were born.
7. See below:
 
 
 
 
 
 
RESULTS:
You should now have a three digit number.
The first digit of this was your original number (how many times
you want to go out each week).
The second two digits are your age!!!
Isn't that cool? This is the only year that
this mathematical phenomena will ever work.
 
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Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates with God

Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God.
During dinner He told them: "I need three important people to send my
message out to all people: Tomorrow I will destroy the earth."
Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: "I have
two really bad news items for you:
1)God really exists and
2)Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."
Clinton called an emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and
told them: "I have good news and bad news:
1)The GOOD news is that God really does exist
2)The BAD news is, tomorrow He is going to destroy the
earth."
Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and very happily announced: "I have
two fantastic announcements:
1)I am one of the three most important people on earth 2)The Year 2000
problem is solved."
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Rules that guys wished girls knew

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different. It's just like every other f**king cat.
9. ANY Dog is better than ANY cat, ANY day. Period.
10. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not a sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your Dad's way past idiot.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil.
26. Don't give us 50 rules when 2-5 will do.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
30. If you don't dress like the Victoria Secrets girl, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - but not both.
35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.
36. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
38. Consider golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it,just like you do.
39. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty, and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
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Software Advertisements on Doordarshan

> -----------------------------------------
"The man , The Machine, The Software - PeopleSoft VII"
----------------------------------------------------------------
Boy - "I am a PB boy"
Girl - "I am a PB gal"
"Badte bacho ke liye complete software - Powerbuilder"
----------------------------------------------------------------
"Eat bugs, Sleep bugs.....Do only debugs"
----------------------------------------------------------------
Internet Programmer - "I got the ASP power , now u go get it!!!"
----------------------------------------------------------------
"Microsoft office - Nothing official about it !!!"
----------------------------------------------------------------
" Software ki raksha karta hein Norton Anti virus.... Software
hai jaha, Norton Antivirus hein vaha..."
----------------------------------------------------------------
Project Manager - I want the code today....
Programmer - 2 minutes
"Programmer ka kaam kare asaan,
Duniya bhar me hai iski shaan...VB....VB.....VB"
----------------------------------------------------------------
" The complete software ....since 1802 " - COBOL
----------------------------------------------------------------
Progect Manager - "Power objects is the secret of my programs"
Programmers - "Our programs"
----------------------------------------------------------------
Husband - 'Thak gaya hoon mein'
Wife gives him instant coffee and says
'To create instant miracle....Use Oracle !'
-----------------------------------------------------------------
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Bill gate goes to hell!!!!!!

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being
sized up by St. Peter.
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to
send
you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by
putting
a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that
ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before
in
your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."
Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?"
St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if
it
will help your decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?"
"I'll leave that up to you." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell
first."
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear
waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the
water,
laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature
perfect.
He was very pleased.
"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to
see
heaven!" "Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.
Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about,
playing
harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.
"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter.
"Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to
Hell.
Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to
see
how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to
a
wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and
tortured
by demons. "How's everything going?" he asked Bill.
Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment,
"this
is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't
believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the
beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?!???
"That was a demo," replied St. Peter.
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Shers for those who understand hindi/urdu ..

> Arz kiya hai....
1. Math pee sharab galib mazjid mein baith kar,
Ek hi bothal hai kahin khuda na maang le...
2. Mein ne tumhe pyar kiya, tere baap ne mujhe peeta
Mein ne tumhe pyar kiya, tere baap ne mujhe peeta, (kya baat hai.)
Sin theta by Cos theta equal to Tan theta... (Wah Wah..)
3. Mein ne tumhe pyar kiya, tere baap ne mujhe peeta
Mein ne tumhe pyar kiya, tere baap ne mujhe peeta,
Sin theta by Cos theta equal to tan theta,
Tan ki shakti Man ki shakti Bournvitaa (Waaah, Waaaah..)
4. Main hu yahan, thu hai wahan
Main hu yahan, thu hai wahan
Lifebouy hai jahan, tandurusti hai wahan
5. Thu ne mere man se khela,
Thu ne mere man se khela,
Thu ne mere dil se khela,
P> Thu ne mere Dhan se khela,
Thu ne mere man, dil aur dhan se khela,
Well Played, Well Played (Wah, Wah..)
6. Door se dekha to kuchh dikha nahi...
Dooor se dekhaaa.. to kuchh dikha nahi..(Wah, wah)
Paas jake dekhaa to kuchh tha hi nahi(Subhan Allah...)
7. Door se dekha to Patthar dikhta tha..
Dooor se dekha.. tho Patthharr dikhtaa thaa...
Paas jake dekha tho... such much Patthar hi thaa...(Wah, vah)
8. Mirza Ghalib raasthe pe guzar rahe thae...
Mirza Ghalib raasthe pe guzar rahe thae...
Mirza Ghalib guzar rahe thae raasthae pe...
Moad aa gaya,
Woh mud gaye ( Waah Waah )
9. Maine madhumathi samajkar dil diya..
Tumne agarbatthi samajkar use jala diya..
10. Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai
Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai ..
Ke kyon mere dil mein khayal aata hai ye Kabhi Kabhi ??
11. Mujhe phir wahi yaad aane lagi hain
Mujhe phir wahi yaad aane lagi hain
Are Bewafa, mujhe kyon infinite loop me dal rahi hai??
12. Dharti so rahi hai, Aasman so raha hai
Dharti so rahi hai, Aasman so raha hai
Nonsense ! yeh sab kya ho raha hai?
13. Aasmaan mein ud raha hai kabootar
Aasmaan mein ud raha hai kabootar
Flutter Flutter, Flutter Flutter
14. Maine use dekha angle badhal badhal kar...
Maine use dekha angle badhal badhal kar... ( wah ...wah )
Usne mujhe maara Sandal badal badal kar...( ..Masha Allah ... )
15. Mein tere pyaar mein kutta ban gaya
Mein tere pyaar mein kutta ban gaya,(kutta ban gaya ..
wah kya dard hai)
Yakeen nahin aatha tho bow wowww (Maasha Allah, Wah, Wah...)
16. Nadi ka kinara tha...
Lambe baalon ka sahaara tha...
Nadi ka kinara tha...Lambe baalon ka sahaara tha... (wah ...wah..)
Paas jake dekha....to Sardar naha raha tha..(Subhan Allah...)
And finally ....
17. Sher sun-ne mein mazaa aatha hai,
Sher sunane mein mazaa aatha hai.....
Sher sun-ne mein mazaa aatha hai,
Sher sunane mein mazaa aatha hai.....( wah ..wah...)
Par jab sher saamne aajatha hai ,
Tho pathloon geela hojaatha hai...( Subhan allah ...)
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Once a barber in US

There is this Good Ol' Barber in some city in US.
One day a Florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes
to pay the Barber and the barber replies:
'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community
Service'. The Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a
Thank you Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and the
barber replies: 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am
doing a Community Service'. The Cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a
Thank
you Card and a dozen Donuts waiting at his door.
A Desi Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay
the Barber and barber replies; 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from
you; I am doing a Community Service'.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he
finds there -
A Dozen Desis waiting for a free Haircut......
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Panda

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a
sandwich. After eating the sandwich, he pulls out a gun,
shoots the waiter and prepares to leave.
The manager shouts, "Where are you going? You ate your
food, shot my waiter, and now you're leaving without
paying!"
The panda responds, "I am a panda-that's what pandas do.
If you don't believe me, look it up." With that, the panda
slams a dictionary on the table and leaves the restaurant.
The manager, being curious, grabs the dictionary and checks
the definition for panda. He reads, "A tree-dwelling
marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct
black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
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Funny Telugu Movie Titles

1. Srivaariki e-mail 2. Maa Ayana Consultant 3. Roudi PM - Goonda PL 4. Benchi veerudu 5. Naaku H1 kaavali 6. Pagabattina COBOL 7. H1 Ammayi-B1 Abbayi 8. SAP Programarlu Bagunnara! 9. PL Maa Aavide! 10. PM nu Munchina PL 11. Iddaru BodyShopparla Muddula Contractor 12. Devathalara Deevinchandi (COBOL programmer) 13. Neeku 40K Naaku 60K (Body shopper) 14. Aarambam Kadidi Antham (Jan 1 2000). 15. Siva (Guy who declared war against PL) 16. chanti (new comer to US) 17. Mosagallaku Mosagadu (Consultant after 6 months in US) 18. Stamping ku Velayara. 19. Chilipi Consultant 20. Gujju baba.. 40 Consultants 21. Penki PL-- Mondi Contractor 22. Evandi !! H1 vachhindi. 23. Anaganaga oka client. 24. Clientu-Consultantla savaal. 25. Rangula raatnam (US, for 1st time entered H1) 26. Antuleni katha (on bench) 27. Kshana Kshanam (bench period) 28. Dalapathi (after 3 years in US) 29. Raavoyi.. Clientu Maama. 30. Nireekshana. (for project). 31. Client neeku.. Cash naaku. 32. Java priyudu. 33. Kante consultantne kanu. 34. Java veerudu ASP sundari 35. Aa okkati adakku. (hike) 36. Vaali (H4) 37. Jobu Nachhindi. 38. Neram naadi kaadu, clientudi. 39. Kishkindha kaanda (Cosultant Company) 40. Kante H1 ne kanu. more.. Clientki yamudu employer ki mogudu Yemandi pagerochhindi Ave baggulu Dana veera sura DBA Oka computer iddaru programerlu Ninne fire chesta Data clean chesukundam ra SAP mogudu JAVA pellam Jan 1st Vidudala (Y2K) Peruleni Program Desigadu Hello Client Java Veerudu- CGI sundari COBOL kaatesindi ASP yemaindi RPG Rowdi Lotus lo lolli VISA Victory Office lo Yahoo-Intlo hu hu SAP sarigamalu Client dorikada leda Y2K raatri Domino Bullodu Akkada Java--Ikkada raava Kadam thokkina Programmer Anaga Anaganaga Oka website Munchina MidRange India vellalani undi Dikku Teleyani Dollar Detroit Simham NewYork pandavulu Ma Edison Rayudu Idhi Job antaara Fire aina Mogudu-Job vachhina pellam Vayyari Client-Vagalamaari Employer Date maarchina Fate Dikku Teleyani DBA Chicago Chinnodu Bristol Bullodu AS400 Monagaadu
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More on Billy Boy... (Bill Clinton)

> All coincidence? Or just plain scary.
**************
The following is a list of dead people associated with Bill Clinton:
James McDougal - Clinton's convicted Whitewater partner died
of an apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement. He
was a key witness in Ken Starr's investigation.
Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered
July 1997 at a Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The
murder happened just after she was to go public with her story
of sexual harassment in the White House.
Vince Foster - Former white House counselor, and colleague
of Hillary Clinton at Little Rock's Rose law firm. Died of a
gunshot wound to the head, ruled a suicide.
Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former DNC
Chairman. Reported to have died by impact in a plane crash.
A pathologist close to the investigation reported that there was
a hole in the top of Brown's skull resembling a gunshot wound.
At the time of his death Brown was being investigated, and
spoke publicly of his willingness to cut a deal with prosecutors.
C. Victor Raiser II - & - Montgomery Raiser: Major players
in the the Clinton fund raising organization died in a private
plane crash in July 1992.
Paul Tulley - Democratic Nat'l Committee Political Director
found dead in a hotel room in Little Rock, September 1992
Described by Clinton as a "Dear friend and trusted advisor".
Ed Willey - Clinton fund raiser, found dead November 1993
deep in the woods in Virginia of a gunshot wound to the head.
Ruled a suicide. Ed Willey died on the same day his wife
Kathleen Willey claimed Bill Clinton groped her in the oval
office in the White House. Ed Willey was involved in several
Clinton fund raising events.
Jerry Parks - Head of Clinton's gubernatorial security team
in Little Rock. Gunned down in his car at a deserted
intersection outside Little Rock. Park's son said his father
was building a dossier on Clinton. He allegedly threatened to
reveal this information. After he died the files were
mysteriously removed from his house.
James Bunch - Died from a gunshot suicide. It was reported
that he had a "Black Book" of people containing names of
influential people who visited prostitutes in Texas and Ark.
James Wilson - Was found dead in May 1993 from an
apparent hanging suicide. He was reported to have ties
to Whitewater.
Kathy Ferguson - Ex-wife of Arkansas Trooper Danny
Ferguson died in May 1994 was found dead in her living
room with a gunshot to her head. It was ruled a suicide even
though there were several packed suitcases, as if she was
going somewhere. Danny Ferguson was a co-defendant along
with Bill Clinton in the Paula Jones lawsuit. Kathy Ferguson
was a possible corroborating witness for Paula Jones.
Bill Shelton - Arkansas state Trooper and fiancee of Kathy
Ferguson. Critical of the suicide ruling of his fiancee, he was
found dead in June, 1994 of a gunshot wound also ruled a
suicide at the gravesite of his fiancee.
Gandy Baugh - Attorney for Clinton friend Dan Lassater
died by jumping out a window of a tall building January,
1994. His client was a convicted drug distributor.
Florence Martin - Accountant sub-contractor for the CIA
related to the Barry Seal Mena Airport drug smuggling case.
Died of three gunshot wounds.
Suzanne Coleman - Reportedly had an affair with Clinton
when he was Arkansas Attorney General. Died of a gunshot
wound to the back of the head, ruled a suicide. Was pregnant
at the time of her death.
Paula Grober - Clinton's speech interpreter for the deaf
from 1978 until her death December 9, 1992. She died in a
one car accident.
Danny Casolaro - Investigative reporter. Investigating
Mena Airport and Arkansas Development Finance
Authority. He slit his wrists, apparent suicide in the middle
of his investigation.
Paul Wilcher - Attorney investigating corruption at Mena
Airport with Casolaro and the 1980 "October Surprise" was
found dead on a toilet June 22, 1993 in his Washington DC
apartment. Had delivered a report to Janet Reno 3 weeks
before his death.
Jon Parnell Walker - Whitewater investigator for Resolution
Trust Corp. Jumped to his death from his Arlington, Virginia
apartment balcony August15, 1993 Was investigating
Morgan Guarantee scandal.
Barbara Wise - Commerce Department staffer. Worked
closely with Ron Brown and John Huang. Cause of death
unknown. Died November 29, 1996. Her bruised nude body
was found locked in her office at the Dept of Commerce.
Charles Meissner - Assistant Secretary of Commerce who
gave John Huang special security clearance, died shortly
thereafter in a small plane crash.
Dr. Stanley Heard - Chairman of the National Chiropractic
Health Care Advisory Committee died with his attorney
Steve Dickson in a small plane crash. Dr. Heard, in addition
to serving on Clinton's advisory council personally treated
Clinton's mother, stepfather and brother.
Barry Seal - Drug running pilot out of Mena Arkansas.
Death was no accident.
Johnny Lawhorn Jr. - Mechanic, found a check made out
to Clinton in the trunk of a car left in his repair shop. Died
when his car hit a utility pole.
Stanley Huggins - Suicide. Investigated Madison Guarantee.
His report was never released.
Hershell Friday - Attorney and Clinton fund raiser died
March 1, 1994 when his plane exploded.
Kevin Ives & Don Henry - Known as "The boys on the track"
case. Reports say the boys may have stumbled upon the Mena
arkansas airport drug operation. Controversial case where
initial report of death was due to falling asleep on railroad
track. Later reports claim the 2 boys had been slain before
being placed on the tracks. Many linked to the case died
before their testimony could come before a Grand Jury.
THE FOLLOWING SIX PERSONS HAD INFORMATION
ON THE IVES / HENRY CASE:
Keith Coney - Died when his motorcycle slammed into
the back of a truck July, 1988
Keith McMaskle - Died stabbed 113 times, Nov, 1988
Gregory Collins - Died from a gunshot wound January 1989.
Jeff Rhodes - He was shot, mutilated and found burned in
a trash dump in April 1989.
James Milan - Found decapitated. Coroner ruled death
due to natural causes.
Jordan Kettleson - Was found shot to death in the front
seat of his pickup truck in June 1990.
Richard Winters - Was a suspect in the Ives / Henry deaths.
Was killed in a set-up robbery July 1989.
THE FOLLOWING CLINTON BODYGUARDS ARE DEAD
Major William S. Barkley Jr.
Captain Scott J. Reynolds
Sgt. Brian Hanley
Sgt. Tim Sabel
Major General William Robertson
Col. William Densberger
Col. Robert Kelly
Spec. Gary Rhodes
Steve Willis
Robert Williams
Conway LeBleu
Todd McKeehan
========================================================
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be
sorry.
-Mark Twain
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Interstate & Speed

An old man was driving down the interestate at 22 miles per hour. He
never went above or below. An officer noticed and followed him a while
and then pulled him over.
Before the officer could even get to the window the man was saying "I
was not speeding, the speed limit is 22 mph and that is exactly what I was
doing, I was not speeding".
The police officer said, "I didn't pull you over for speeding, I pulled
you over for going to slow".The man said "but the sign says 22". The
officer told him that he was on interstate 22. As the man shook his head,
the officer noticed that there were 3 older ladies sitting inside the car.
All of them were sitting with their mouths hanging open and spit
drooling down the side. Their faces were very white and their hair was
completely messy. The police officer leaned toward the man and
said, "What is wrong with them?"
The man said "well, we just came off of interstate 134".
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2000 Dates & related problems

> Jan. 1, 2000, isn't only 'doomsdate'
Jan. 1, 2000, is The Big One, kids.
By now, you've heard that many of the world's computers will roll the
date clock forward from "99" to "00" with potentially disastrous
consequences. Year 2000 authorities prophesy problems as minor as
erroneous overdue notices from the library and as major as a failure of
the nation's power grid.
But that isn't the only computer "doomsdate" looming. A slew of
lesser-known dates also could wreak technological havoc.
So brace yourself. The first date to dread -- Jan. 1, 1999 -- is fast
approaching.
 
Jan. 1, 1999: The one-year-look-ahead problem
Not every computer counts forward like you and me. Some look down the
road one entire year and count backward to determine the date. (Please
don't ask why.) On Jan. 1, 1999, some will look forward one year and
see
"00." Like humans, the computers may balk at having to count backward
from 00.
Jan. 1, 1999, to Dec. 31, 2002: The euro currency problem
We all know that the year 2000 problem is the biggest software project
in history. But many Americans are unaware that programmers throughout
the world are also at work on the second biggest software project in
history: converting the currencies of 11 European nations into a single
currency called the euro.
Banks and financial institutions will begin transacting business in
euros on Jan. 1, 1999, although the actual bank notes won't be issued
until Jan. 1, 2001. The introduction of the euro is to continue through
the year 2002.
There's no direct link between the euro project and the Y2K project,
but
the massive size of the simultaneous projects will soon take most of
the
world's available programmers.
 
Aug. 21, 1999: The GPS rollover problem
The world's 24 global positioning satellites record time by counting
the
weeks that have passed since their launch in 1980. The weeks fill up a
counter much like the odometer on your car. But like your odometer, the
counter rolls over to 0000 when it's full. At midnight on Aug. 21,
1999,
the counter will be full. Equipment that uses the GPS signals may
malfunction.
 
Sept. 9, 1999: The 9999 end-of-file problem
Many computers have been programmed to recognize 9999 as an
"end-of-file" command. Perhaps some computers will conclude, quite
logically, that a date of 9/9/99 means it's the end of all time.
 
Oct. 1, 1999: The federal fiscal year 2000 problem
Big Daddy rolls its clock forward Oct. 1, 1999. As of that date, the
federal government officially enters its 2000 budget year. Every
federal
function will be affected, from defense to Medicare to payments on the
federal debt.
 
Jan. 4, 2000: The first-working-day-of-the-year problem
Year 2000 begins on a Saturday. Corporate America will switch on most
of
its desktop computers Tuesday, Jan. 4, after a long holiday weekend.
Boot up and hang on to your morning mochas.
 
Feb. 29, 2000: The Year 2000 leap year problem, Part I
Most programmers know the rules for calculating leap years: Any year
evenly divisible by four is a leap year, except years that also are
divisible by 100. So 1996 is a leap year, but 2000 isn't -- er, right?
Well, there's a third, lesser-known rule that cancels the first two:
Any
year divisible by 400 is a leap year, including -- you guessed it --
2000. The question is: How many programmers know that rule?
 
Dec. 31, 2000: The Year 2000 leap year problem, Part II
Some computers work by counting the number of days in the year. If they
aren't programmed to know that 2000 is a leap year, the machines will
be
bewildered when they reach Dec. 31, 2000, the seemingly impossible
366th
day of the year.
 
Sept. 8, 2001: The Unix end-of-file problem
Unix is the "other" major operating system, a set of instructions that,
like Windows, DOS and MacOS, run the basic functions of a computer.
Unix
powers many commercial and Internet computers. Unix tells time
differently, which means that it does not have a year 2000 problem.
Unfortunately, it does have a Sept. 8, 2001, problem. In Unix language,
that date is represented by the number 999,999,999 -- the same number
that some Unix applications use to denote the end of a file.
 
Circa 2025: The U.S. telephone number problem
By the year 2025 or so, the United States will simply run out of
available seven-digit telephone numbers and area codes. Telephone
companies will have to add digits or revamp the numbering system. That,
in turn, will force software programmers to overhaul every piece of
software that uses phone numbers, plus all databases and archives that
store phone numbers.
 
Jan. 19, 2038: The other Unix problem
The Unix operating system tells time by counting the number of seconds
elapsed since Jan. 1, 1970. But like your odometer, there are only so
many places on its counter. At seven seconds past 3:14 a.m. on Jan. 19,
2038, the counters on every Unix computer in the world will be full and
will roll over to "0." Many computers will assume it's either Jan. 1,
1970, all over again (who wants to relive the '70s?) or that it's the
end of the world (which may be a better alternative than the
preceding).
 
Circa 2050 to 2075: The Social Security number problem
By 2075, the United States will have exhausted the 1 billion unique
Social Security numbers possible under its nine-digit numbering system.
Year 2000 expert Capers Jones suggests that the nation must be prepared
by 2050 to expand or replace the many software applications that depend
on those numbers.
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Elephant &man

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
Gee, that's neat, but can it pick up peanuts?
------------
What kind of bees make the best milk?
Boo-Bees
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Blondes Jokes..

Freeze!
A blonde cop was heading a drug bust in an LA drug house. Upon
reaching
the house she ordered her men to take extra care. So they rammed the
door and
found three men. The blonde then said " FREEZE! this is a bust". But
upon
realizing that these were not drug dealers. The blonde quickly
apologized and
said "OK you may DEFROST now".
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving
the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the
People were leaving.
<Tracks>
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down
And said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says
"Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."
"No. Those are deer tracks."
They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they
Were both killed by a train.
<Changing a Light bulb>
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working
fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and
Hurt ourselves.
<Zip Codes>
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
Blonde: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that
they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
B: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I
put a mailbox in my car.
P: "Uh ... How's that working?"
B. "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
P. "And why do you think that is?"
B. "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code
Keeps changing."
<Ice Cube>
One day, a man comes home from work and finds his blonde wife leaning
Over the kitchen sink and crying. He said, "Honey, what's wrong?"
She said between sniffles, "I...I dropped the ice cubes on the floor, and then I rinsed them off in hot water, and now I can't find them."
<MACY'S>
Two blondes were walking down the street when they came upon the
Local YMCA. One blonde said to the other, "look, they misspelled
MACY's."
First A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The
Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "So, we were
The first on the Moon!" The Blonde said, "So what! We're going to be first on
The Sun!"
The Russian and American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the Sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the blonde replied, "We're not stupid! you know. We're going at night!
Give Me My Money!
A Blonde buys a ticket and wins the lottery. She goes to Phoenix to
claim it
and the man verifies her ticket number. The Blonde says, "I
want my $20 million." The man replies, "No, Ma'am. It doesn't work that
way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for
The next 19 years." The Blonde says, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."Again, the man explains that she can only have a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Blonde, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money!
If
you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my
dollar back!"
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Love and Marriage!

You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.
-- Henny Youngman
The best way to get most husbands to do something
is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.
-- Ann Bancroft
Any husband who says. "My wife and I are completely
equal partners," is talking about either a law firm
or a hand of bridge.
-- Bill Cosby =20
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared
for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner
Keep your eyes wide open before
marriage, half shut afterwards.
-- Benjamin Franklin
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
-- Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-- Milton Berle
I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
-- George Burns
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
About 30 pounds.
-- Cindy Garner
When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country. It's a whole different way
of thinking.
-- Elaine Boosler
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
"There was water in the carburetor." I said,
"Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."
-- Henny Youngman
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
-- Phyllis Diller
My mother buried three husbands,
and two of them were just napping.
-- Rita Rudner
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-- Henny Youngman
People are always asking couples whose marriages have
endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret
for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a
forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not
being Paul Newman.
-- Erma Bombeck
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Bad Day

There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his
drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour.Then, this big trouble-making
truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just
drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was
just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man
crying."
"No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I
overslept and late to an important meeting. My boss, outrageous, fired
me. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The
police, they said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and
after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my
whole wallet in the cab.I got home only to find my wife has run away
with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was
thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my
poison ..."
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Eskimo lost in NY City & more

One day, an Eskimo family arrived in New York City. This was the first
time out of their native village, and it didn't take long before the
wife got lost. The Eskimo husband asked a passerby for help and was told
to go to the police and report it. When he got there, a police officer
asked him for the wife's description.
"What's that?" asked Eskimo.
"Well, you see a description is telling what something looks like. For
example, my wife is 25-years-old, 5'11", 140 lbs, 38-25-36
measurements. Now, what can you tell me about your wife?"
"The heck with her, lets go look for yours!"
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A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover
the fires at Yellowstone National Park.
When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick
that it would make it impossible for him to photograph anything from
ground level. So he asked for a plane and arrived at the airport and saw
a plane warming up near the gate.
He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!''
The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they
were in the air.
The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low
passes so I can take some pictures."
"Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded,
"and photographers take photographs."
The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "You mean
you're not the flight instructor?"


Recently an Engineer, a garbage collector and a lawyer wound up
together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to
get into Heaven they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter
addressed the Engineer and asked "What was the name of the ship that
crashed into the iceberg ? They just made a movie about it." The
Engineer answered quickly "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him
through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and figuring
Heaven didn't *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with
him, decided to make the question a little harder "How many
people died on the ship ?". Fortunately for him, the trash man had just
seen the movie. "1228," he answered. "That's right! You may enter." St.
Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them."


Times were tough so when a job came up at the zoo, Jon was the first one
there. On arrival, he was told that the gorilla had just died and he was
to wear a gorilla suit and pretend to be a gorilla until another one
could be found. Jon loved his job - eating bananas, swinging from branch
to branch, entertaining visitors, lying about in the sun.... Then one
day he swung a bit too far and ended up in the lion enclosure. He jumped
to his feet when he saw two lions growling fiercely and ran to the fence
and screamed for help. Then as he turned back to face the lions, one of
them said, "If you don't stop screaming
and shouting we'll all lose our bloody jobs!"


I heard about 3 doctors who died yesterday.
They went to the "Pearly Gates"
The 1st, a Pediatrician, said, "I helped God bring children into the
world.". St. Peter looked in a book for the doctor's name...St. Pete
final says, "Ah, go right in!"
The 2nd, a Cardiologist, said, "I helped God give people more time on
earth.". St. Pete looked in the book, said, "I've got your name right
here. Go right on in!"
The 3rd, an administrator, said, " I developed HMO's for the Insurance
industry." St. Pete said, "Excuse me a moment."
He left the gates and came back after a long pause.
Pete said, "I spoke to God and he said you can stay, but only for 3
days."
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Little Johnny

It is near the end of the last day of the school year.
Grades are in and there is really nothing for the students
to do. The kids are getting very restless.
So, the teacher says, "I am going to ask some questions.
Whoever answers first and correctly can leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I'm the smartest
in class and I'll be out of here first."
The teacher asks, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln".
The teacher says, "That's right, Susie. You can go".
Johnny can't believe it; beat by a girl!
The teacher asks, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?"
Again, before Johnny can open his mouth,
Mary says, "Martin Luther King".
The teacher says, "That's right, Mary. You can go".
Johnny is getting angry. These girls aren't as smart as him!
The teacher asks, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country
can do for you'?"
The words are on Johnny's lips when Nancy says, "John Kennedy".
The teacher says, "That's right Nancy. You can go".
Now Johnny is mad.
The teacher turns her back, and Johnny says, "I wish these
bitches would keep their mouths shut".
The teacher asks, "WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny says, "BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?"
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Master Card Ad ..

A version of the current MasterCard commercials geared towards the men in the
television viewing audience...
----------------------
Cover charge: $15.00
Round of drinks: $23.00
Table dance: $30.00
Another round of drinks: $23.00
Couch dance and tips: $50.00
A round of shots: $34.00
Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00
Sending her on her way and never have to hear her complain: Priceless
There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, there's
MasterCard.
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Ramayan-described by an american dude

So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked
him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kindofa pain and she
forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to
some national forest or something...since he was going, for like,
something like more than 10 years or so..he decided to get his wife
and his bro along..you know...so that they could all chill out
together. But DUDE, the forest was reeeeaaaall scary shit..really
man..they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude,
Ram, kicked ass with darts and bows and arrows...so it was fine. But
then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his
babe (sita) and lures her away to his hood. ANd boy, was our man,
and also his bro, Lakshman, pissed..And you DON't piss this
son-of-a-gun cuz, he just kicks ass and like, all the gods were with
him.. So anyways, you don't mess with gods.
SO, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys..dude, don't ask me how
they trained the damn monkeys..just go along with me, ok..so, Ram,
Laksh. and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood.
Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest...and
anyways...it gets kind of boring, you konw...no TV or mall or shit
like that. So, they decided to hitch a ride back home...and when the
people realize that, like, our dude, his bro and the wife are back
home...they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something
nice...and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days...so
they couldn't take him out for a drink, so they, like, decided to
smoke and shit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the
lamps also...so it was priitttty cool...you know with all those
fireworks..really, they even had some local musicians play along
with the fireworks.. and you know, what, dude, that was the very
first, I kid you not, that was the very first music-synkronized
fireworks...you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more
cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, thatís whats is ramamayan!!
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WORDS TO LIVE BY

----------------
Many people will walk in and out of your life,
but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
To handle yourself, use your head;
To handle others, use your heart.
Anger is only one letter short of danger.
If someone betrays you once, it's his fault;
if he betrays you twice, it's your fault.
Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.
God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw
it into its nest.
He who loses money, loses much;
He who loses a friend,loses more;
He who loses faith, loses all.
Beautiful young people are acts of nature,
But beautiful old people are works of art.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long
enough to make them all yourself.
The tongue weighs practically nothing,
But so few people can hold it.
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Today's Stock Market Report:

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remained unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.
___________________________________________________________
3 new bonds are being issued:
* Lewinsky bond: Has no maturity
* Gore bond: Has no interest
* Clinton bond: Has no principle.
 
 
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1998 DARWIN AWARDS

======================
They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin
Award - It's an annual honor given to the person who provided the
universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the
most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has
been keen. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for
this event!
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a
200-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the Outer Banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way
to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It
took
rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
4. In February, a 24 year old, was killed in as he
fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed
in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit the floor.
5. According to police a 20 year was stabbed to death by a friend who was
trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest he
was wearing.
6. A 26 tear old, was killed in February as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
7. In February, according to police,
a 27 year old, a 33 year old, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a
tie
in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles
8. In September, a 7-year-old boy fell off a 100-foot-high bluff near
Ozark, Ark, after he lost his grip swinging on a cross that marked the
spot where another person had fallen to his death in 1990
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
1. In October, a man tried to kill a millipede
with a shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a
rock near the hole and hit his pal in the head, fracturing
his skull.
2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
house.
3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in
September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of
dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the
bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see
what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window
was closed. 4. Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an
annual
festival in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting. This
year, no bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured, including
one gored in the head and one Bobbittized. Said one participant, "It's
just one bull against [a town of] a thousand Morons." AND THE WINNER:
PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes
before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly - and suffocated the
keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich,
46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when
the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud. "The
sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt
to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as
the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said
flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there
to
help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be
Just one of those freak accidents.
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Pak one liners

1.Did you hear about the latest Pakistani invention?
A.It's a solar powered flashlight.
2.Did you hear about the other latest Pakistani invention?
A.The new automatic Pakistani parachutes:They open on impact.
3.How do you sink a Pakistani battleship?
A.Put it in water.
4.Did you hear the news about a 747 which crashed in a cemetery
in Karachi?
A.The Pakistani officials have so far retrieved 3000 bodies.
5.Did you hear about the Pakistani admiral who wanted to be
buried at sea on his death?
A.Five Pakistani sailors died digging his grave.
6.Did you hear about the other tragedy in Karachi?
A.There was a terrible power cut in Karachi's Four Square
Shopping Mall: people were stuck on the escalator for 4 hrs.
7.Did you hear about the Pakistani family that froze to death
outside a theatre?
A.They were waiting to see the movie "Closed for the winter".
8.Did you hear about the Pakistani Air-Force helicopter crash?
A.The pilot felt cold,so he turned off the fan.
9.Why do Pakistani dogs have flat noses?
A.They get it from chasing parked cars.
10.Did you hear about the Pakistani who studied diligently for
5 days?
A. He was scheduled to take a urine test.
11.Did you hear about the shutdown of the Karachi National
Library?
A. Somebody stole the book.
12.Why did Nawaz Sharief decide to have only 4 kids?
A. Because he'd read in the newspaper that 1 out of every 5
babies born in the world today is Chinese.
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Facts:Life; Take it Easy.

5 minutes ago you were travelling to office at 80 mph in your brand new
car. Now you are travelling to hospital at double the speed in an
ambulance
- You just think if there was 'UNDO' in life..
You are already late, and your key is missing.. -
- You just think If there was 'FIND' tool in life..
You are a bankrupt, after investing in some wierd business
- You just think If there was 'REBUILD ALL' in life...
The train is so crowded that you cannot get anywhere near
that nice girl at the other end
- You just think If there was 'ZOOM' & 'VIEW FULL SCREEN' in life
After marriage you realize that there is bound to be a mismatch
- You just think If there was an evaluation period or atleast a sample
down load or a demo version..
One day you realize that you are turning bald
- You just think If there was 'CUT' and 'PASTE' in life
 
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Shikari and Sher

Ek Jungle mein ek sher tha ..Sher bahut harami tha, sexy tha.. wo
Jungle ke kisi bhi janwar ki laga deta tha...Paas ke Gaon wale log
darr
gaye sochane lage agar sher aise hi sabki lagata raha to saare sher hi
paida ho jayenge.. Ek bahot famous shikari the uska naam tha "Ek Goli
Shikari" because wo ek hi goli mein kisi ko bhi maar deta tha... usko
bulaaya gaya sher ke shikar ke liye... sher ki to fat gayi na
bhidu...
sher bhi hoshiyaar ho gaya... aakhir ek baar sher shikari ko dikh hi
gaya ... aur shikari ne fire kiya dhaayyy...
Sher apani chalaki se bach gaya.... ab to shikari ke paas doosari goli
bhi nahi thi... shikari ki fat gayi wo sochane laga aaj to sala maar
hi
dalega... Lekin nahi sher hasne laga ... ha ha ha ha ha sher ne usko
bulaaya " idhar aa bhen chod,idhar aa...
shikari gaya... sher ne bola chal khol ke jhuk ja... shikari ne waisa
hi
kiya .... sher ne shikari ki achi taraha bajaayee... aur shikari ko
zinda chod diya...
shikari utha... maa ki, shikari ko bahot bura laga... bhenchod sher ne
gaand maari,,,, isase acha to saala meri jaan hi le leta.... shikari
ne
socha isase to badala loonga hi....
6 mahine baad shikari bahut practice karke wapas aaya...jungle mein
sher
ko dhoondate hue... sher ko pata laga ki ek goli shikari phir aa gaya
hai... to wo bhi shyana ban gaya....
phir ek din shikari ne sher ko gaaon ke paas hi pakad liya our goli
chala di... lekin sher phir bach gaya... phir se sher ne saare gaaon
walon ke samane shikari ki gaand maari....
shikari ko to laga ki ab khud kushi kar loon.... lekin phir usne socha
ab to sher ne gaand maar hi li hai.. to ab to mai sher ko maar ke hi
rahoonga...
phir shikari 1 saal baad aisi practic karke aaya ki agar wo aankh band
karke bhi goli maare to nishane pe lage.... phir sher hoshiyaar ho
gaya...
Shikari ne sher ko dekha jaate hue aur uske lund ko nishana bana kar
goli maari... sher ko bhi usi samay
moot aaya tha to usne taang utha di mootane ke liye,.. to sher phir
bach
gaya... phir shikari ne socha oh
shit aaj bhi gaand maarega.... to sher ke bolane se pahele hi shikari
ne
kapade utaar diye aur jhuk gayaa,...
Sher hansa ha ha ha ha ha .... Idhar aa madarchod idhar aa... shikari
dar dar ke gaya... sher ne kaha
"abe saale ab to such-such bata de ki ..bhosadi ke too yanha shikar
karne
aata hai ki gaand maraane????????????


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Phone humor...

> As a Church Secretary, Susan answers the phone by saying
"Jesus loves you, Sharon speaking. How may I help you ? "
One day, she was deep in conversation with her office
collegues when the phone rang.
"Sharon loves you, Jesus speaking. How may I help you ? "
said she distractedly.
There was a pause before the caller said,
"Somehow, I thought your voice would sound different."
---------------------------------------------------------
Steve worked for an international insurance company and
had to call his office in Milan. Because he did'nt speak
Italian and the receptionist at Milan wasn't fluent in
English, he was feeling apprehensive. To his relief, a
pleasant voice answered the phone in English.
"Is is Milan ? "Steve asked.
"No,", came the reply, "this is upstairs. You forgot to
dial 9 to get an outside line."
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Comments and suggestions Mail adivi@mama.indstate.edu